Saturday, 5 October 2013

Society’s Commandments

(Written on September 3, 2013)

Yeah, I said it.  Society does have commandments.  They aren't legal boundaries, but rather social unwritten expectations set by the majority.  They are as follows:

1.  Thou shalt worship anything thou desires.  It can be God, it can be nothing.  It can be any number of assorted gods, or the force.  It would be weird if thou worshipped the flying spaghetti monster in the heavens, but thou shalt not judge.

2.  Thou shalt have freedom to have before thee any number or nature of idols before thee.  It shalt be weird if it be Justin Beiber or Miley Cyrus, thou shalt be mocked for worshipping such idols.  But thy mockers shalt have no sway over thee, for thou shalt not judge.

3.  Thou shalt use whatever language thou deem acceptable.  Thou shalt not sweareth at thy place of work, for work is sacred.  Thou may be able to sweareth at thy work if thy master giveth thee permission.

Thou shalt not teach thy offspring desecrated language.  But if they learn it from thee, no biggeth deal, they wilt learn it eventually anyway.
Thou shalt not drop F'eth bombs on thy PG-13 broadcast.  Thou mayest use thy deity's name in vain in thy broadcast as often as thou pleaseth.  Thou shalt tryeth not to use thy mother's name in vain, but if thou is trying to emphasize a point it shalt be forgiven, for thou shalt not judge.

4.  Thou shalt be given days of rest.  Thou may rest on it whatever days thou desires.  If thou chooseth to work on thy days of rest, thou at least deserves an additional increase in pay.

One day is not more sacred than the rest.  However, thou may thank thy deity for the happenstance of Fridays.

If thou chooseth to take more than thy share of days of rest, thou may be mocked, however, thou shalt not judge:  thou is only living life.

5.  Honor thy father and thy mother.  Honor thy father.  Honor thy mother.  Honor thy father and father.  Honor thy mother and thy mother.  Honor thy assortment of parenthood figures in thy life, for they are thy elders and they put up with thee.

If thou have thy parents on facebook, thou shalt not badmouth thy parents in front of thy friends and parents on facebook, for thy parents wilt see thy evil deeds.  Useth twitter instead.

Thou may be forgiven for not honoring thy parents during thy teen years, for thou art going through a stage, and thou shalt not judge.

6.  Thou shalt not kill.  If thou taketh another life, thou wilt be judged in this one case, for this is illegal.

7.  Thou may commit adultery.  If thou chooseth to commit adultery, thou may not grumble about thy relationship problems.  Thou may be mocked if thou joineth thyself to a greater than average amount of partners.  However, thou shalt not judge.

8.  Thou shalt not steal, in the majority of cases.  Thou may steal from thy master if thy master hast cheated thee of thy wages.  Thou may steal from thy rulers if thy rulers hast cheated thee of thy wages.  Thou may steal from thy marketplace, so long as thou only steals less than ten cents worth, for it is only ten cents.

Thou may eateth the wares of thy marketplace before thou hast purchased it, for thou art planning on purchasing it.

Thou may pirate any assortment of visual or listening entertainment, for thy artists are wealthy, and thou shalt not judge thy neighbour who does likewise.

9.  Thou shalt be careful where thou bears false witness.  Thou may lie if thy wife asks thee if her robe looketh good on her.  Thou may calleth thy work and lie about being sick, for thou art designated sick days during thy year; thou shalt not calleth in sick during work and get caught, for thou shalt respect thy master.

Thou may lie if it's not about anything important, or if the person thou bears false witness to doesn't really careth or matter.  If thou heareth thy neighbour bear false witness for such things, thou shalt not judge.

10.  Thou may covet.  Thou may covet thy neighbour's house, thy neighbour's car, thy neighbour's pet, thy neighbour's swimming pool:  thou may covet such things, but thou shalt not steal such things, for they are thy neighbour’s.

Thou may covet any body part that arouses thee.  Thou may covet thy neighbour's body part, but thou shalt not touch.  If thy neighbour's garb is unagreeable to thee, thou shalt not judge.


Yes, as you may have guessed with my whole terrible use of Old English that I am making fun of society (after all, I'm allowed to mock, just not to judge).  I find it odd that people look down on others (look down on, not "judge" others of course!) who don't reach their, or society's perception of respectable behaviour.  They look down on others despite the fact that:

1.  If they believe in the bible, they shouldn't look down on other people (and yes, there is a difference between "looking down" on somebody and judging them), but love everybody.

2.  If they don't believe the bible, there's a good chance that they don't really have any solid basis of why they should be looking down on other people, except for their own and society's own unsupported viewpoints.

Seriously, so long as you aren't doing anything illegal, there's nothing wrong with sleeping around, wasting your money on gambling and alcohol, smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, or "swearing like a sailor."

One may argue that certain behaviours are not respectful of others, such as affairs, for it affects more than one person.  As soon as one says this, however, they are saying it's wrong to do something disrespectful to other people, and what basis do they have for this?

Plus, if it's really disrespectful to other people, where does one draw the line?  Should it not then be wrong to swear in front of other people for some people may find it offensive?  Should it be wrong to smoke a pack a day because other people pay for your health issues (well, in Canada, anyway)?  Should it be wrong to own a dog because its barking may interrupt your neighbour's nap?  Where does one draw the line, and on what basis?  This isn't a rhetorical question, I honestly cannot comprehend society's system of deeming what is acceptable behaviour.

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